Totally nowt to do with anything. Except me. (reposted)

This last year has started to unearth something in me.
Maybe it’s something about the fight that adopting requires.
The fight to navigate the process.
The fight for your Little One, once you are aware of their existence.
The fight to keep your head above water once your Little One comes home.
The door is closed and life is supposed to carry on ‘as normal’. What does that even mean?!!
The fight to get the best support and care for your Little One.
The fight to stay healthy, sane and connected to other people.
I have felt completely discombobulated of late. Confused. Bewildered. Locked in my own head. Alone.
Not because of anything external.
A brilliantly smart friend told me to write it all down. Get it all out. A brain dump.
So I did.
I am remembering things long gone.
Passions that stirred me in my youth.
I am craving space to breathe, in order to allow myself to think.
To really think.
I am starting to believe that being pushed hard towards an edge, whatever the cause of the pushing, is proving to be beneficial.
For me.
And therefore for my family.
My energy levels feel stretched.
Our resources feel maxed out.
So I have pushed back.
This post is merely a personal mental aside for now.
I have found and begun an online course. Some may call it self development. Others may call it introspection.
I call it learning to ‘Live Upstream’.
It has been so perfectly timed. And wonderful.
I am learning more about my personality type. My introvert nature. My Highly Sensitive Personality. The things that drive me. My passions.
Mostly it has given me a focus for some ‘me time’.
Self care, as we call it in the Wonderful Twitter Adoption World.
I am remembering who He says I am.
Not who people think I am.
Or want me to be.
Or who I have become just now.
I am finding my voice.
And you know what?
I am liking the sound of it.
And I am just a little bit excited.

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