“Mummy, why does Little Legs want to be so mean to me and try to tear Happy Dreamer and my bestest cousin away from me all the time?”

Yesterday afternoon Mr Six and I had our first PAS session. Time with our new PAS SW, who will hereafter be known as ‘The Play Lady’.

Last night we had put Little Legs to bed and were talking to the big three about the PAS sessions that will be coming up. We revisited why and how Little Legs had come home to be part of our family. And why sometimes she is finding her new life here a bit tricky to navigate. And why she sometimes uses mean words or aggression to help her feel safer.

We talked about how we are working hard as Team Six to help her feel safe and secure and loved. We talked about how well the big girls are doing. And how proud we are of them.

And then a small chink opened up in Little Bud’s heart and the words came tumbling out…

As I have previously written, Little Bud is generally the target for most of Little Legs’ meanness and frustration and anger. And Little Bud is acutely aware of this fact.

The holidays brought us two weeks of wildly differing behaviours. The week leading up to Christmas Day was extremely tricky, with lots of anxious behaviour, aggression and a smidge of raging from Little Legs.

The week after Christmas Day tailed off with barely a squall on the horizon prix viagra acheter. Little Legs was calmer, sleeping better and much less hostile and confrontational.

But the first week left its mark on Little Bud. She spent much of that first week staying out of her little sister’s way.

And it hasn’t gone unnoticed that Little Legs has also discovered an alternative way to get under her skin.

Little Bud and Happy Dreamer are very close to each other. They are such good companions and bestest friends and even when they are winding each other up, it doesn’t last very long.

Little Bud also adores her bestest cousin, who is about eighteen months older than her. She loves to send her texts from my phone to my sister’s phone. She loves to makes things for her. She gets Happy Dreamer to write notes on her behalf (she’s so close to reading now, it’s really exciting!).

I’m not convinced that Little Legs is always trying to upset or annoy her sister. Sometimes she just genuinely wants to play with Happy Dreamer or their cousin.

But sometimes she clearly goes for the Divide and Conquer technique, to put Little Bud’s nose out of joint.

Even at seven, Little Bud is a deeply feeling, people person. She see things about people. She notices. She feels emotions deeply. She dislikes conflict. She is very tactile and loves one to one connecting. She is fiercely loyal. And yes, she can be demanding!

We are teaching her how to work on her hurts. We will keep talking and watching and protecting. We will continue to work on building between Little Bud and Little Legs.

These Theraplay based sessions are well timed for our girls! We are excited to do some ‘team building’ with Team Six. To do some nurturing. To take some time out to be more playful.

It’s hard to hear your children feel wounded by another child. It cuts to the quick when it’s by one of your other children.

There have been occasions when I’ve sat with the guilt (expected but unwelcome) of having taken our big girls down the adoption road.

But tonight, maybe because we can see some light at the end of this stage of the tunnel, there was no guilt.

A little heartache.

But no guilt.

Just the knowledge that we can do this. With the right support.

Bring on The Play Lady!

4 thoughts on “Splitting

  1. That was a powerful post.
    As I read it I felt a slightly pressure around my heart and my tear ducts began to fill.
    By the time I reached the end, the empathic pain subsided and a smile crept onto the side of my face as I recalled some other precious words about LOVE… “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”.

  2. Love your honesty. I often see my kids being hurt by the children we foster. They show a great understanding of their needs and it amazes me that they don’t retaliate. My kids love the Theraplay sessions and always enjoy doing them with the younger kids. It helps them to feel their role is vital to this child moving on. Your girls are amazing.

    1. I’m really looking forward to the big three getting involved with the Theraplay sessions this week. They cope so well too and have admitted that they can’t imagine life without Little Legs these days.

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