The need for support and understanding

A couple of weeks ago, Little Legs was under the weather and subsequently came out with some blisters, which I blogged about last week. So it may have been feeling under the weather that started it. Or it might not.

As with much of this Trauma stuff, we never know what she’s trying to process. Or what’s playing on her mind. Or what she’s emotionally sorting through at any one time.Trik Android

But right at this moment, she’s a sad, angry, frustrated and confused little girl.

And then she’s sweet and gorgeous and happy. Singing and dancing along to the Mos Eisley Cantina Song (gratuitous Star Wars reference)! And playing hide and seek, or cocky olly with her sisters.Watch movie online John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)

She doesn’t really have much understanding of what has happened over the last year and a half. We’re doing our best to help her. With words. With wondering out loud. With trying to help her name her feelings and emotions. With looking through her Special Scrapbook from her lovely Foster Mummy and talking about memories.

But there are days when she is just not able to cope with that. And her fear and worry and sadness and anger comes out in other ways.

Sometimes she needs a good cry. Sometimes she complains that I’m a Meanie. Sometimes she just rages on the kitchen floor.

Sometimes it comes out in food battles. A wise friend told me very early on not to engage in the food battles. To look at her food intake across a month and be reassured that she is eating. And so usually I do. I let it go.

Sometimes it comes out in her not wanting to stay at our church’s Friday night Kids’ Club. But we have an amazing Kids’ Team who she trusts. She is greeted at the door and reassured. She isn’t taken from me if she’s upset, but is spoken to calmly and reassuringly. She is given time to settle. She has a favourite leader who is so gentle and calm with her. She is always given the choice to stay or to go home with me.

This week it has come out as not wanting to go swimming. She says she doesn’t feel safe swimming without armbands and a noodle. So I spoke to our lovely Swimming Coordinator, who spoke to Little Legs’ lovely Swimming Teacher, who let her swim in armbands this week. And she laughed and floated around and did what was asked of her.

It almost never happens when other people are around. It would be easy for those other people to tell us “Oh, all kids do that”, or to laugh it off as us over reacting. We are blessed to have people in our lives who don’t do those things. Who take our word for it. Who ask what can they do to help.

When people get it, it takes the heat out of the situation.

When people take the time to listen and understand what Little Legs is coping with, it makes it easier for us to cope with.

When we have good support, it makes it easier to help her make progress.

And of course we have to think about our other three girls aswell.

So this week we are chasing. Chasing her Social Worker for the final pieces of her involvement, which are not forthcoming just now. Leaning on our Social Worker to help us make progress with this.

Chasing that Post Adoption Support. They will be getting very familiar with my name this week…

Chasing better knowledge and understanding ourselves. I have booked on some training. I am reading and Twittering and piggybacking on the knowledge and experience of other adopters.

Chasing whatever we can get our hands on to help our Little Legs along on her journey.

We’re in it for the long haul. And we’ll help her in every way that we can.

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